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WHY THE "COMPARE AND DESPAIR SYNDROME" IS GOOD
I see everyone around me doing better than me. They get millions of followers, book deals, and sponsorship contracts. Ugh.
I asked AI to give me three reasons why comparing myself to others is a “good” thing. AI told me it would fuel my fire, ignite innovation, and offer me a new direction.
Shut up, AI!
Comparing and despairing is an opportunity to answer deep questions: Why am I so upset? Is it about the money? Is it about fame? Is it about being recognized? Is it about wanting to feel bigger than others?
They say it’s never about the money. I don’t know about that, but there is always something deeper behind the green. Therefore, I sit and journal, and after three pages, it gets clear: I am convinced I have nothing to give.
And yet, I just got served the biggest life lesson ever. I went through hell and agony for a decade. I plunged to the deepest level of desperation, loss, and heartache; I lost all dignity and respect for myself. I broke down.
But I got myself out of that hole. Through introspection, support groups, and prayer, I painfully learned how to live a new, balanced life in which I am relatively happy.
Is that nothing?
I speak at support group gatherings and see the resonance of my message regarding love and work. For example, when it comes to love, don't move in with your new boyfriend within two weeks of meeting him. For work: track your time; it will open your eyes.
As I tell the story of how I came back from ruin to a life of relative peace, people want to hear it.
And thereby lies my value! I may not have a large audience, but those who listen benefit.
Compare-and-despair is an invitation to see which buttons are being pushed inside me that make me feel worthless.
We all have value, but we need to dig deeper. And that is the biggest fear of all.
No wonder I'd rather obsess over how many LinkedIn connections you have than look within to see why that triggers me. It takes courage to face my insecurities and even more courage to admit my strengths.
My spiritual work is discovering why I fall into the compare-and-despair trap and finding out the gems that hide behind it.
I can't control anything else.
1 EXTRA REST DAY FOR EVERY 4 DAYS OF VACATION
To clarify, I'm talking about a true vacation, not one of those work-while-away Instagram fantasies; I mean rest, fun, cultural experiences, antiques, the ocean, and mountains.
Every time I go to Buenos Aires, I take a day off for every four days I am away. Being in a different city is a profound cultural shock. No matter what I do, even a simple activity like going to the park unexpectedly fires my neurons in eccentric patterns.
Let me ask you: When you get back from a true vacation, do you go right back to work the next day? Maybe not; Here are seven reasons to take at least one day off for every four days you are away.
1. Reacclimatization: Vacation allows your brain to switch from output to wonder. When you give yourself time to re-enter the atmosphere of daily life, you bring the ocean's flow into a new experience of what your life used to be.
2. Savoring: Vacations create lasting positive memories that can fuel us throughout the year. Organize photos, put seashells on your table, and play music. Return to you.
3. Reflective Space: Use the post-vacation period to reflect on what you learned about yourself, your interests, and your philosophy. Open yourself up to new ideas, viewpoints, and adventures in daily life.
4. Fuel Your Creativity: Use the post-vacation glow to pamper yourself. Before returning to work, cut your hair, get a massage or a manicure, or buy something new (to you) on E-bay. Shift, reinvent yourself, and create a revitalized version of yourself.
5. Re-consider Relationships: Vacations sometimes involve connecting with loved ones. Use the post-vacation period to maintain these loving relationships. However, if some encounters weren't pleasant, consider why you keep them.
6. The Long Haul: A truly restful vacation gives you the energy to tackle work with renewed focus. Rushing back depletes those reserves, leading to a faster burnout.
7. Habit Formation: Build a habit by taking only one extra day of rest after your next vacation. It might grow on you.
As Cher might say: Do you believe in rest after rest?
I am passionate about yoga, and blessed to be fully bilingual
10 Unusual Ways to Come Back From Burnout
Exhaustion plagues even the most dedicated. We hustle, try harder, and crash. But there are ways to revitalize our lives. Buckle up for ten new strategies to recuperate your spark!
1. Botanical Feet Massage: Visit a botanical garden, remove your shoes, and walk. Feel the earth and all the sensations in your feet. We are so used to shoes that we’ve become overly sensitive to the touch of our mother planet.
2. Boundaries Matter: Struggling to say no to unrealistic deadlines or extra work might be a sign of a deeper fear – the fear of not being enough. This worry can sabotage your productivity and well-being. Consider journaling about it – exploring these feelings can be a powerful first step.
3. Wine and Paint: My town has at least two “wine-and-art” events monthly. These events are easily advertised on social media, but even a community bingo can be fun and reduce stress. KEY: The activity must include other people.
4. The Power of "Om": I know what you think: ridiculous! I said they would be unusual, didn't I? I dare you to chant "Om" three times at medium volume. Close the door for privacy, but don’t obstruct the opportunity for an energy boost cause of what people may think.
5. Dance Like Nobody's Watching: I am guilty of hitting a Beyoncé playlist (starting with Dèjá-vu) and dancing like crazy. I do it often, sometimes in the gym and with everyone watching.
Do I hear you say? Claudia, I am too tired to dance! Consider rephrasing. Look at it this way: Your “mind” is tired. Turn down your thoughts and light up your hips.
6. Yoga Retreat Money: Yes, these retreats can be expensive, but saving for one can be a fabulous way to show commitment to your well-being. Start planning and set aside a small amount of money each month. Secret: I went to Thailand.
7. No Ordinary Gratitude: You don’t need to write a gratitude list. That's extra work! The best way to express thanks is to notice something you like (like a meal or a sunset) and enjoy it. Savoring is the most powerful form of gratitude.
8. Digital Detox? No, I won’t ask you to take a sabbatical from your phone. I am not delusional. But how about turning notifications off? Start by muting what's up groups.
9. Listen to a Voice from the Void: If you can tolerate it, listen to Eckhart Tolle's audiobook "For Those Who Serve" (Audible). The warning is that you will either love it or hate it. Tolle is funny while talking about nothing and helps me shut down the chatty mind. He's the Seinfeld of Spirituality.
10. Help Like Nobody is Watching: Volunteering is great, but you could become a hero by trying something nobody does: help like nobody is watching. For example, walk in your neighborhood, pick up trash that isn't yours, and take it to the garbage.
You are your main priority because you can't pour from an empty cup.
Forgiveness Starts with Anger
“If it weren’t for this, I would have killed him,” said a woman sitting next to me. None of the fifty women in the circle were surprised. We were regrouping at the end of a workshop where we had been dancing to live drumming while bringing up emotions.
Our bodies flowed with the feeling of “love” and swayed with the waves of “peace.” Then the beats quickened when we embraced “lust” with hips that dipped and rocked in sensual rolls. I felt alive. But nothing could have prepared me for the "dance of anger."
Within minutes, we were armed with bats and a row of tires alongside the wall. One by one, we gripped the bat tightly and, with a primal grunt, swang it hard against the rubber. It was the anger that kills.
PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL RELEASE
I will confess to you that the person I was hitting with the bat (in my mind) was someone who abused me at a young age. I didn’t know the extent of my suppressed energy until I took the first swing. The fuel I released could have sent a rocket to the moon or helped me get a Ph.D.
Anger must be physically and emotionally discharged. If not, it will fester, decay, and rot your insides. It will spread like a deadly disease. Anger kills.
MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL RELEASE
The mental release follows. We must write down the exact things we are angry at in this form: “I am angry at __ because__.”
I wrote thousands of lines when it came to this predator: I am angry at [__] because he abused me. I am angry at [__] because he lied to me. I am angry at [__] because he scared me for life.
Writing it down is a kinetic ritual. It opens a vein of pain and moves the poison through the ink, splashing it like blood onto the page.
Then comes the spiritual part. To forgive, we must read this list to someone who won’t judge us and won’t tell us what to do. We need to find someone who won’t dismiss the anger, which, unfortunately, most people would do. It’s difficult to find someone who can hear us without interruptions, without conjuring what to say, and without wanting to make it nice. We are looking for a “spiritual witness,” not feedback or comfort.
Why read it? Because it's in the willingness to open our hearts and share the grief that the shame/guilt/anger finally lifts. Having a witness makes the alchemy possible.
The person who abused me as a child robbed me of years of life in which I acted out because I was coming from anger, regret, fear, and shame, which clouded my judgment.
In releasing the anger from all aspects of myself, I could finally see things in their right size. There was nothing to forgive because this abuser was acting from a state of consciousness so low it blinded him. Releasing him allows me to move back into my power. I am no longer scared of life or playing small because now I can claim my passion back. Freed from shame and anger, I can now shine.
It doesn’t excuse him, but it frees me.
Making Proper Amends: Going Beyond "I'm Sorry"
Saying: "I'm sorry" when we step on someone's toes is okay, but when our behavior harms people financially, emotionally, physically, or spiritually, we must make proper amends.
Very few people know how to do it gracefully.
See if you can count all the wrong things about the 23-second TERRIBLE APOLOGY at the beginning of the video.
Put yourself in the receivers' shoes. How would you feel?
It's impossible to give a heartfelt apology if we're unaware of the how the other person suffered as a consequence.
To understand the damage we may have caused, we must offer the other person a chance to tell us how they felt when we did what we did. And then, we must be willing to listen, hard as it may be.
Otherwise, how else would we come face to face with consequences?
The steps are carefully curated. It's important to follow them in order.
Mentoring Women: An Expensive But Rewarding Gift.
I've been mentoring Luna for the past two years. Our collaboration resulted in her securing a new home and a job in a location she adores, across state lines. Her life has gone from emotional starvation and financial insecurity to spiritual contentment and monetary abundance.
Expressing her gratitude, Luna says, "Thank you. I cannot do this without you."
Contrary to her belief, I respond, "That's not true. I offer suggestions, but it’s you who takes the actions."
Luna and I have talked for so long that there is an intimacy between us. We meet often and laugh a lot. We talk about literally everything. We trust each other. I give her recommendations from my life experience and from having made many mistakes. My worst errors of judgment are the ones from which I’ve learned the most.
When I began working with women, I grappled with various trepidations – the fear of investing too much time, the fear of them distancing themselves from me, or worse, the fear of rejection. These are the parts that seemed expensive to me. I once even questioned whether I could trust women. The good news is that through gentle experiences in the business world, I have learned that I can.
When my mentor tells me: "You got this, Claudia!" I recognize that I indeed "got it" in a significant way.
When, in turn, I encourage Luna with the same words, I feel immense gratification for passing along such raw power.
Many women are committed to both teaching and being teachable today. I see it in the faces of participants in my workshops, in support groups, and when Luna sends me a WhatsApp voice message telling me she is sitting by the beach, quietly staring at the sunset.
When I mentor a woman from my heart, without expectations of return, I am the one who gets the reward.
Do You Suffer From Exertion-Exhaustion Syndrome?
I just landed in BA. My apartment is small and needs work. Nestled in the center of Palermo Soho, it exudes that old Buenos Aires flavor, with tall ceilings, solid doors, a bidet, a patio, and a laundry room larger than a NYC apartment.
However, my tendency to be an ambitious, driven, "get-it-done" kind of woman has reached an extreme. The garden needs trimming, the laundry must be done, the kitchen pantry needs painting, and I gotta clean those windows.
I tried to do it all in one day! Total collapse ensues.
Do you identify we me? We are the ones who wear our business/housework/art-making output like a badge of honor, pushing ourselves to the limit, fueled by to-do lists and caffeine.
But when the relentless pursuit of productivity reaches a breaking point, we all fall into the trap of exertion-to-exhaustion syndrome: the cycle of overwork, burnout, breakdown, depression, and anger, followed by the struggle to return to normal activity levels.
Breaking free of this habit requires a shift, a rebellion against the tyranny of "more." Easier said than done.
Three mantras became my anchor:
- "First things first." I will prioritize with ruthless grace.
- "Keep it simple." I won't let complexity drown my spirit. And:
- "One thing at a time." I intend to savor the present moment, not the overwhelming horizon.
Changing a strong pattern of behavior like exertion/exhaustion is possible, but the path is paved by resistance to our familiar ways.
Reflect on these questions:
Was there anyone in your childhood who said: "You must push hard if you want to succeed." Or: "If you don't finish this today, you won't be accepted." Or: "If you don't practice 10 hours daily, you won't amount to much."
Exploring these old wounds, I gently heal them through morning pages and meditation. And I suddenly glimpse a new way of perceiving myself:
My value is not defined by output but by how much I am of service to others and myself. By how much I nurture myself first. Yes, really.
My value shows up when I am fully rested and prepared for my business presentation. It shines when I smile as I listen to my sister and have the energy to play with my 6-year-old niece. My value glows when I smile and am fully present with friends and extended family.
Just for today, allow yourself to try these:
- "Sobre mesa" -as they say here- or a long-extended conversation after lunch or dinner. This Argentinean tradition recognizes that life is good, and it releases oxytocin.
- A walk in the park with no cell phone is challenging, but it is a loud sign to our soul that says, "I care!".
- Flowers in a vase, a long bath with candles, a carefully made cup of coffee.
- And the most impactful of all: having a conversation with my inner child, reassuring her that she is enough and she is okay, no matter what. I have found this to be the most productive thing I can do.
Go on: Live a little!
Join me in Minneapolis: Nov 7-8 2023
I am honored to be speaking at the Pinnacle Experience, an immersive event for marketing professionals working in the challenging architecture, engineering, and construction industry. It will take place at the Four Seasons in beautiful Minneapolis from November 7 to 9, 2023.
During The Pinnacle, I will introduce the principles of merging ideas in a safe environment. Together, we will explore the power of collaboration among talented individuals to enhance our careers and uplift our spirits.
I have planned exciting topics and activities that promise a memorable, enjoyable, and fulfilling workshop.
The line-up of speakers and panelists is carefully selected and will offer everyone attending a great new perspective.
If you attend the Pinnacle, I look forward to meeting you.
Why This Book is Different:
Yoga books cover the physical and sometimes the breathing aspects of our bodies, which I explore in the first two chapters. Other books go deeper into philosophy and rationalization of the system, but none of them talk about how to process trauma and negative emotions or how to reveal your life's purpose.
What happens when negative thinking and emotions take hold of us? What happens when we want to explode? What do we do when our “stuff” covers our brightness? Where is yoga there?
Chapter 3: "The Emotional Yoga Body," offers practical exercises to process harmful emotions, past trauma, and negative thinking.
Once we can healthily process emotions, our hearts open. That is when we are ready to reveal and embark on our divine life purpose
And how do we find out what our life's purpose is?
Chapter 4: "The Wisdom Yoga Body" gives your inner territory a map. It is a compass that can help you unveil your divine purpose.
And Chapter 5: "The Spiritual Yoga Body," offers ancient yoga techniques to continue the spiritual journey daily. You will witness how the metaphor of kundalini energy rises within you.
You can make your yoga practice your own personal journey by reading along and following the video classes.
I have given this book my EVERYTHING. All my experience and all my knowledge. Click here to get your copy.
Where is Yoga When Life Makes Us Go Insane?
Where is yoga when we struggle to stop drinking or overeating? Where is yoga when we find ourselves fixated on fantasy or romantic obsession? What happens when fear runs our lives, and our destiny is determined by automatic reactions based on past trauma?
My approach to teaching stems from my love of yoga. But also from my experience of how yoga can help us through difficult times. I specialize in using yoga to face our fears and how to find hope when it seems lost. My teaching focuses on how to process emotions and trauma in a gentle way.
I invite you to work through your trauma and negative overthinking that currently rules our existence.
Yoga progress can only be measured by how much better our lives get.
Spiritual fortitude becomes more necessary as we cross into the afternoon of life, especially after turning fifty.
At this stage, we must use our time wisely and awaken our spirituality. We need to strive to become examples and leaders of our tribes.
Turning fifty is when we are called to lead by example and serve others. However, we cannot fulfill this calling if we don't work through our issues.
I work with people like you who want to open the channel to a deeper spiritual life and be of service in the world.
My yoga teaching will help you get a strong foundation in asana and pranayama, but it will go further; it will also help you align with your dharma (divine work) and release the obstacles that get in the way.
We will slowly peel the layers of negativity that cover the shining diamond that you are.
Healing the syndrome of “Historical is Hysterical” in Business:
I'm in a difficult situation with an emotionally abusive individual in my volunteering work. The circumstances starkly mirror the troubled narrative of my childhood. The intense emotions I am experiencing today echo those from my early years. My heart tightens, hives break out, and fatigue sets in.
However, this time I am resolute in my commitment to NOT perpetuate a cycle of pain leading to a new drama. I won't engage with this person.
No historical-hysterical acts this time; instead, I am looking for peace and resolution. These are five things I do to get by:
1) EMBRACE DIVINITY:
Every day, I say this prayer from ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics):
"Today, I seek serenity to accept the people I can't change. Courage to change the one I can. And wisdom to know that one is me."
It’s clear that I am the one that needs to change; I am no longer that helpless youngster I once was.
If I am to break the cycle of misery, I need to welcome the pain and allow it to mend without blaming anyone. This isn’t about them. This is an opportunity to remove the power from this old wound so I can free myself from it. "They", the current perpetrator, is nothing but a symptom.
2) ASK FOR HELP:
I feel vulnerable when I ask for anything, but I get a lot of relief when I finally call someone and tell them I need help. The best part is that they always want to talk to me because they like to be helpful. Who wouldn't?
3) LIST ALL ANGER:
I write all my resentments in a stream of consciousness, in detail.
This is an example from my journal: "I am livid that this entitled brat will always throw me under the bus. I am furious at how this person yelled at me. I am angry at this pain, and I am sore that things are not going the way I want them to go."
A note of clarification here: no judgment is key. The list of bitterness must get out. Simple as that. Otherwise, it will linger, and the wound won’t close.
4) LIST ALL FEARS:
I journal a free-flow checklist of my fears. For example: I fear I won't be able to pull this project together, I fear I will be silenced, I worry people will judge me, I fear becoming bitter.
Remember kindness for this list, no judgment. We are extracting the venom of fear out of the old wound.
5) FRIENDS:
In a recent dinner with my fiancé’s buddies, I assembled all the females and invited them to a ladies’ brunch. I barely knew them, so it was like going on a first date with five women.
We met on a Saturday at 11. We laughed. We took a group photo and promised not to Instagram it.
The gathering helped me because it lifted my head from the convoluted sensations and gently opened my heart.
CONCLUSION:
To heal a historical wound, we need to walk through it willingly, with eyes wide open, and surrendering.
Reacting to the 'situation' will only perpetuate the 'hysterics.'
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Should You Use a QR Code on Your Business Cards?
The idea didn't sit well with me at first. Following a conversation with a seasoned speaking coach, a fortunate encounter indeed, the suggestion arose to incorporate a QR code into my business cards.
Hm.
My initial resistance stemmed from three valid concerns:
1- Aesthetic shortcomings.
2- Technological complexities, which I wished to avoid.
3- Potential confusion.
Only one of these matters proved valid: aesthetics. The appearance of these codes can be improved.
Dealing with the technological aspect was rather straightforward. Bitly (a website that creates QR codes for free in seconds) demolished my fears. It designed the square code in microseconds, and I could choose the color. I like blue.
Although free QR code-generating websites lack statistics, some offer a few insights. Paid subscriptions provide invaluable data.
Finally, anyone who's dined at a restaurant within the past few years understands the simple way in which they work. Just point your smartphone at the code, and the mysterious powers of technology open you to the information you want.
I decided to sleep and meditate on it. The morning pages, in their wisdom, dared me to explore further.
And so it was that I included the QR code in my business cards.
The response was unexpectedly warm, with three noteworthy outcomes:
1) It introduced a seamless path for prospective clients to explore my landing page.
2) Those who pointed their camera at the code were delighted with its ease.
3) Most remarkably, it sparked conversations that have proven enlightening and fruitful grounds for generating leads.
What unsettles you the most about using QR codes?
Claudia’s Yoga Career
I have practiced and taught yoga for twenty-three years.
My training has been extensive. During three long-term trips, I studied the Ashtanga vinyasa system of yoga asana in Mysore, India. I also studied pranayama in Ko-Samui, Thailand.
I am the author of four books. My latest, How to Have a Yoga Body, is an immersive experience.
Yoga is the art of creating the conditions that bring inner stillness and balance. Entering that space is my invitation.
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